A Plea for Ice Cream

You know what is woefully absent from this town? Decent ice cream. Sure, we have plenty of yogurt, which is lovely, but there is not a single decent ice cream joint in Los Angeles, as far as I can tell. I have traveled far and wide in search of such a place, and I’ve taken a decent sampling of the scene, from the ever-popular (and cheap as dirt) Diddy Riese, to Milk on Beverly, to the CoolHaus truck, to Carmela at the Hollywood Farmer’s Market, to Jonathan Gold’s beloved Bulgarini Gelato way out in China…sorry, I mean Altadena. Maybe I’m spoiled, but nothing holds a candle to San Francisco ice cream. San Francisco has a complete monopoly on good ice cream. My home city harbors the incomparable BiRite, with its salted caramel that blows away even Bertillon’s in Paris. And as if that weren’t enough, there’s also Humphrey Slocombe, and the underrated Three Twins, where I could eat Earl Gray all day long. You can even get decadent, luscious Fiorello’s Valhrona Chocolate Gelato at Whole Foods there. Share the wealth, SF! I went through a brief phase where I drove the 40 minutes to Scoops in Hollywood multiple nights a week for their inventive flavors that change daily, but then I spent a few days back in San Fran and had some BiRite, and now I can’t even bear to go back to Scoops. It’s too depressing. The flavors are good, but the consistency is all wrong. It is a great option for vegans and lactose-intolerants. Nevertheless, the search continues. If you have any insights, I implore you to share them. I am at a loss.Image Credit: flickr user roboppy

Umami Burger

This godforsaken place has the best burger in LA hands down, most likely the best in the world. Too bad the tables are so close together it’s like being on a double date, and the service is so brusque that you’ll think you’re Oliver Twist. They don’t take temperatures on your meat, it’s either medium rare or well-done. Everything but the burgers lack seasoning—my salad had no discernible taste whatsoever, and since when is plain ricotta cheese on top of a few beets and watercress even called “salad” anyway? Everything was so terrible that by the time I got my burger I was all geared up to bash it, but my God was it delicious. I mean, absolutely perfect, an explosion of flavor and tenderness and sheer bliss. I am not exaggerating, the meat itself was so tender and flavorful that it would have been superlative all on its own, but then the crisp, chewy parmesan wafer and the sweet tomato on top brought it to a whole new level. And that’s just the namesake burger. The other burger we ordered, called the Hatch Burger, was even better if you can believe it. Some yelpers have deemed it “overpriced,” but I’ll shell out $9.00 for the best burger I’ve ever had any day. You won’t want anything but the burger, so you’re golden on price. Oh man, I want one now. And it’s only breakfast time. Damn. Image credit: flickr user Yogma